Q&A: My boyfriend is 20 years older than I am. I am about 9 weeks pregnant. How do I tell him I want to keep it?

how is my baby going to look like

My boyfriend is 20 years older than I am. I am about 9 weeks pregnant. How do I tell him I want to keep it?

He has made it more than a little clear that due to his age and the effects of his extremely physically demanding job, he isn’t interested in becoming a father again. This wasn’t planned or expected, but after doing some research to appease him, I have come to the decision that even though I am also not ready to be a parent again, I can NOT go through a surgical abortion…it’s positively disgusting. I am not judging people who do it, I am pro-choice, but I am NOT going to go through that…just reading about it sent me into tears for two hours. I am terrified to tell him that I can’t put myself through the procedure. I was thinking that I would let him read about it (because I certainly had no idea what was done, and know he doesn’t have a real clue either) and see pics of what a baby looks like at this stage of pregnancy. I guess I am really hoping that I can convince him that we CAN do this, despite his age!!! Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can approach this? It’s a little scary at any age to become a parent, but at this stage, there is no way I can put myself through that horrid procedure! Obviously if he can’t accept my decision I will have to go. I will not be pressured into it…this is MY body!
I am 32, he is 51. I really keep wavering…I feel a little selfish. I am just not sure that ‘getting rid of it’ is something I want to do, but am not sure I am ready to have it…he is just certain that he doesn’t want to be a father again at his age.

Answer by Phil
that’s right. It is your decision. It’s nothing to do with him anymore. It’s not a matter of it being his “fault’ and therefore his responsibility or anything like that. It’s your life and your baby and your body. NOT his.

Answer by Berkley
Open your mouth and say “I want to keep it”

Answer by Suzy Q
You just tell him. It’s your decision all the way.

Just to be sure though: you DID get your information from actual medical professionals, right? You didn’t just google terms like ‘abortion 9 weeks’ and such? Because there is a LOT of truly horrendous and more importantly FALSE propaganda out there.

I’m not saying this to encourage you to have an abortion, it’s just that when I read your question, your decision seems to be based mostly on what the procedure is supposed to be like, not a wish to carry this pregnancy to term. That makes it very important for you to be sure you have reliable information about that procedure.

how is my baby going to look like

How do you get yourself out of a rut?

I have been really busy lately, my husband is working 12 hour days and I never get to see him, My great grandmother died just after valentines day, and I feel like nothing is going right.

I haven’t been cleaning the house with as much detail as I usually do, nothing makes me happy, I don’t want to eat, and I feel like I can’t do anything right.

I don’t want to sound like a whiny baby looking for attention because I am not. I just want to know what other people do to make themselves feel better.

Answer by lala
When I am in a rut I am praying ; for some peace and light ; and sometimes its takes a couple of days or week ; but I am receiving a answer [ Also count your blessings ; you are a very Lucky woman to have a husband who is working 12 hrs a day ] because with this bad economy ; and lots of lay off ; well if it was me ; it we enough to be very happy and thanking God every day for the money who is coming home weekly ; after all you are not worried about the next meal

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One Response to Q&A: My boyfriend is 20 years older than I am. I am about 9 weeks pregnant. How do I tell him I want to keep it?

  1. mama of 2 and baby boy due july 3 November 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    You dont state your age or his but my fiance is 17 yrs older than i am and when i thought i was pregnant earlier in our relationship he was very addiment that he was to old to have another baby that his oldest was 20 and he would not be a father again….well here i am 38+2weeks pregnant and he is over the moon. communicate with him your feelings and he might come around. good luck and congrats!

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